maybe a little punctuation also. It’s pretty bad.READERReport 2007-12-20 15:22:31chapter 2 maybe? Desi xxx good concept thoughREADERReport 2007-08-17 14:58:21a little short, but good«123» Sexfiend says 2/10.Bram SpeerReport 2008-06-20 18:34:16On a scale of 10, I give this story a 3. 11 comments«123»SexfiendReport 2008-07-27 00:26:45in conclusion (because this is final) you needed to get more detail into the story and make it longer. :DREADERReport 2007-12-17 17:04:43how about a paragraph every now and again. It’s pretty bad.READERReport 2007-12-20 15:22:31chapter 2 maybe? 11 comments«123»SexfiendReport 2008-07-27 00:26:45in conclusion (because this is final) you needed to get more detail into the story and make it longer. Sexfiend says 2/10.Bram SpeerReport 2008-06-20 18:34:16On a scale of 10, I give this story a 3. good concept thoughREADERReport 2007-08-17 14:58:21a little short, but good«123» maybe a little punctuation also. 11 comments«123»SexfiendReport 2008-07-27 00:26:45in conclusion (because this is final) you needed to get more detail into the story and make it longer.
